Now that you have completed the Families Plus Orientation Module you should have a good understanding of why Families Plus was created. Now, you’re going to dive into the Mentoring Family world. In this module you will learn:
1. THE wRAPAROUND aPPROACH
2. THEORY OF CHANGE
A Theory of Change describes what must be supplied to get the results – Healthy Productive Adults
Definition of Theory of Change (TOC): A TOC defines the fundamental underpinnings of a movement by stating the non-negotiables, without which the goals of the movement will not be achieved. A TOC is important because it serves as a basis for development of standardized measures of fidelity, and most importantly, standardizes a crucial messaging point for Families Plus. A TOC for Families Plus helps differentiate it from other poverty interventions and defines implementer expectations for what they can accomplish with Families Plus.
The TOC for Families Plus. The following are the core non-negotiable elements of Families Plus without which outcomes are unlikely to be achieved:
- Relationship The child’s parent and increasingly the child develops positive and trusting relationships with the other individuals that support the child and the parents invest in allowing others to help.Highly challenged families often have learned to avoid too much connection with the community. Children thrive to the extent that the parents can over time come into safe, trusting, and positive relationships with Families Plus staff and then also community volunteers, and agency professionals that are ready to come along side of them and lend a hand. Parents must feel the high value that all others place on their attachment relationships with their child because this is the first and most important building block of the child’s social and emotional health. Parents that feel highly valued will maintain regular communication with their team. Parents by nature are protective of their child and protective of their role in raising their own child. The extent to which they are able to allow others to play vital roles in the raising of the child empowers the effects of the Families Plus program to assist the parent to draw health and success to the child. As the child matures, he or she also will value and trust the team of supporters surrounding them.
- Shared purpose- Belief in the child. All in the system-of-care surrounding each child believe in the child – that the child can be successful as an adult. Commitment to this child’s healthy development becomes the focus for parents, volunteers, and professionals, alike, and binds the team together with shared mission and purpose. This belief in the child and investment in the child translates into the child believing in him or herself which creates the motivation to strive and struggle toward success.
- Comprehensive Health Care with Evidence-based treatments. Wraparound services deliver healing and prevention of health problems to children in a sustained and powerful way. Also, intermittently as needed, the child is provided with brief courses of evidence-based treatments to address the effects of trauma and behavioral health symptoms. This health care is readily available to the child, often delivered in comfortable settings such as home or school, and provided by an adult that is already familiar to the child. Since positive outcomes of treatments are propitiated by a trusting relationship with the therapist, evidence-based state-of -the art treatment and enduring relationship with the therapist combine in a powerful healing way.Early traumatic circumstances and events predetermine youth to feel different, feel under-confident, and aim low for their future unless powerful remediation is brought in to set these youth back onto a positive developmental track. Children’s health and success depends on having access to complete health care and skillful intervention to resolve behavioral problems early.
- Sustained presence of a mentoring family for the developing child/youth. The poverty and poor family health surrounding many children with complex needs which severely limits the experiences that the family can naturally provide. Inclusion in a mentoring family and relating to other volunteers plays a critical role in helping the child to have more varied childhood experiences and to understand and model patterns of health and self-sufficiency as an adult. Children learn resiliency from modeling their parents and can learn core skills of overcoming adversity directly from mentors training to encourage these skills.
- Adequate community resources can be tapped and sustained that are sufficient to meet the needs of the child. All communities have sufficient resources, but these must be identified, drawn into service, and sustained in order for the child to have the highly enriched environment needed to thrive. This group of children will need family mentors, physicians, dentists, invested teachers and educational specialist, human service champions, skill building activities, and skills coaches. Typically community systems are fragmented and in silos. The extent to which these resources from individual volunteers to multi-level agencies can invest in the needs of the child and family systems, rather than compete and conflict, will determine to success that the child experiences.
- Educational Success and skill building activities. Children and youth that stay in school and show that they are learning by their grades can be expected to function more self-sufficiently as an adult. The support that each student gets from parents, teachers, and mentors can channel them into success in school.
- Persistence. Often times, children can function alongside of their peers adequately until they arrive into adolescence. Then the effects of early tumultuous life and poor social determinants of health combine with the disruption of adolescence to make these children highly vulnerable to depression, addiction, truancy, and alienated subcultures. The system-of-care surrounding the child must maintain throughout their developmental years so that it is available to meet what challenges might present themselves.
3. tEAMWORK
ADOPTING A TEAMWORK PERSPECTIVE
Family Mentors work closely with the therapist and natural family to ensure the child is safe and healthy. There may be times where other volunteers will join you in assisting a family.
In times of crisis, efforts will be made to get everyone’s input including yours, and then the therapist will make their best decision how to handle the problem.
It is important that you support the therapist’s decision even if it would not have been yours.
It you have deep value disagreement with the direction of team support of the child, discuss it with the therapist. If it cannot be resolved, consider stepping out to protect yourself from excessive stress and avoid putting the child in the middle of adult conflict.
In times of crisis, efforts will be made to get everyone’s input including yours, and then the therapist will make their best decision how to handle the problem.
It is important that you support the therapist’s decision even if it would not have been yours.
It you have deep value disagreement with the direction of team support of the child, discuss it with the therapist. If it cannot be resolved, consider stepping out to protect yourself from excessive stress and avoid putting the child in the middle of adult conflict.
4. wHAT IS A MENTOR FAMILY
What is a Mentor Family?
Families who mentor, involve the child in their lives through daily activities such as making dinner together, watching a movie or involvement in family game night. The Mentor Family does not take the place of the natural Family. Rather, the Mentor Family acts as an extended family unit. Mentor Families expose the child to experiences and opportunities not otherwise accessed be the child and their natural family.
Commitment
Volunteering with Families Plus can impact a child for a lifetime.
Mentoring Families are the center piece of the Families Plus Program. These volunteering families are the powerful force that will slowly and gradually keep their mentored child from failing and deviating from their healthy developmental course, in addition to the love of their parents.
Mentoring Families will accomplish this subtle and gradual transformation through their developing relationship with the mentored child. To ensure their positive role, the following tasks are necessary:
Mentoring family will establish a predictable schedule of contact with their child whether it be once a month or once a week.
At those times, such as traveling or illness, when they are unable to meet with their child, they will be careful to leave messages, emails, or a send note to make sure the child knows they have not been forgotten.
Families who mentor, involve the child in their lives through daily activities such as making dinner together, watching a movie or involvement in family game night. The Mentor Family does not take the place of the natural Family. Rather, the Mentor Family acts as an extended family unit. Mentor Families expose the child to experiences and opportunities not otherwise accessed be the child and their natural family.
Commitment
Volunteering with Families Plus can impact a child for a lifetime.
- We ask for mentoring families to commit to remaining an active and influential part of the child’s life through high school graduation.
- Meet with or if out of town communicate with the child every month.
Mentoring Families are the center piece of the Families Plus Program. These volunteering families are the powerful force that will slowly and gradually keep their mentored child from failing and deviating from their healthy developmental course, in addition to the love of their parents.
Mentoring Families will accomplish this subtle and gradual transformation through their developing relationship with the mentored child. To ensure their positive role, the following tasks are necessary:
Mentoring family will establish a predictable schedule of contact with their child whether it be once a month or once a week.
At those times, such as traveling or illness, when they are unable to meet with their child, they will be careful to leave messages, emails, or a send note to make sure the child knows they have not been forgotten.
- The mentoring family will make the physical and emotional safety of the child in their care always of the utmost importance.
- Strive to form a positive and lasting relationship with the child and to encourage the child to behave well and believe in their good future.
- The mentoring family will guard the privacy of the child’s natural family.
- They will be careful not to talk about the child or the child’s natural family in any negative way with anyone outside Families Plus.
- The mentoring family be available for several times each month with the child’s therapist to explore any problems and their solutions.
- These conversations could be by phone, email, or face to face.
- The mentoring family will honor the child’s natural parents at all times even when their performance as parents might be unstable.
- The mentoring family will keep a monthly calendar of their contacts with the child and transmit this to the organization either verbally, by mail or email.
- The mentoring family will make every effort to attend the annual picnic each year, traditionally the Friday before school starts.
- Despite to importance of the mentoring family, they are asked to prioritize their own health and wellbeing. If volunteering is compromising this, they are encouraged to discuss this with the mental health professional supporting their child and step out if this is the wise course of action.
- live in a safe and clean home where the child can spend time
- enjoy children and being with children
- believe in positive methods of teaching and guiding children
- have transportation
- have no history of perpetrating child abuse
- have no felony convictions
- have no recent misdemeanor convictions that could affect their relationship with the child and parents
5. MENTOR FAMILY SUPPORT
HOW WILL YOU BE SUPPORTED?
- You will be in contact with a Therapist each month to see if you have concerns. Feel free to call the therapist at any time you have a concern literally 24/7 day or night.
- You may talk to others on your team that supports the same family. This includes Therapist in Training and Parent Partners.
- The therapist will help work out any problems or concerns you have and be a sounding board.
6. pROTECTING pRIVACY
PROTECTING THE PRIVACY OF YOUR CHILD AND THEIR FAMILY
- Your association with the child will be known by others around you. You are welcome to say positive things to people you know about the child or his/her family.
- Giving out any negative information about the natural family or child to anyone outside the FAMILES PLUS trained supporters of the child is strictly prohibited.
- If others bring up negative information about the child or their family to you, please counter with a positive statement about the family. Do not engage in a conversation with others about negative events that might be happening within the family or school. Your child’s family may be struggling. Our job is to defend them if possible or simple not engage in community criticism of them.
- The privacy of the children and families is protected by FEDERAL HIPPA LAWS because this program is a mental health care service.
- If you hear others associated with FAMILIES PLUS talking negatively about the natural family members outside the FAMILES PLUS group, please bring this to the attention of the therapist.
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7. FORMING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A CHILD
FORMING RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD:
The amount you add into the success of this child will depend on the strength of the relationships that you form with the child. Particularly important in forming a strong relationship are the following:
- They learn that you communicate with them on a predictable schedule. Because your child has experienced many unanticipated and sudden changes in their life, predictable and dependable really translate to their core.
- The frequency of your contacts is less important than that the child can expect communication and is not disappointed
- The quality of relating. Your child should feel validated by you. This means they get frequent positive feedback from you about who they are and how they are doing.
- It is very difficult to grow up healthy and strong in a family where there is lots of criticism and lack of strong validating. It may be that you child’s sense of self is not very positive.
- Giving to your child is important but can complicate the relationship if the child primarily views you as someone to get things from or to get taken out to expensive fun places. Especially in the beginning when expectations are being set, we encourage activities that are typical of you even including chores around the house.
- The goal is that the child will gradually become comfortable in your family, extended family, and friend group. You can of course take the child fun places and treat them to things occasionally. Consider having the child partially earn things that you want to provide them.
- Security for the child is feeling comfortable in your home and with your range of friends and family. If the child comes to feel like a part of your home and your circle of people, that is consummate security for them. Good connection creates good health.
- You’re part of a team. Others will be investing in your child’s school success and skill building. You are welcome to encourage your child in these pursuits any ways that is natural for you.
- Gradually over time teach your child what is expected in your home.
- Do they put their dishes in the sink? Can they help themselves to a glass of milk? What can they use and what is not for their use? They should learn to act like other members of your family.
- Over time the most important building block in your relationships with your child is strong active listening skills. Your child will feel supported by you to the extent that you really listen to them when they are trying to tell you something.
MANAGING THE CHILD’S BEHAVIOR:
1) Giving Clear Directions: What they should do, how long they have, and what will happen if they choose not to do it
2) Using compliments, rewards, and time out:
2) Using compliments, rewards, and time out:
- let them know when you like their behavior
- use incentives to teach them
- help them do difficult new things using small steps with lots of encouragement
- time out works
- ALWAYS TALK WITH THE THERAPIST ASSIGNED TO YOU ABOUT ANY BEHAVIOR CONCERNS
- Please do not yell or holler except in an emergency to get their attention.
- Please do not touch the child in discipline except in an emergency to secure their safety.
- Hitting or physically hurting these children is strictly prohibited.
8. ACTIVE LISTENING
The bare essentials of active and validating listening to the child are these:
- Give the child your whole attention and eye focus
- Frequently paraphrase what they say so they know you are still listening: “ The bus left without you?”
- Reflect their feelings as you sense what they are feeling: “Sounds like that really bothered you.”
- Validate or repeat any positive things they say about themselves: “You cared about your friend enough to wait for them.”
- Summarize at the end of the communication: “I’m glad you told me about recess and how much fun you had.”
9. RELATING TO THE CHILD'S PARENTS AND SIBLINGS
RELATING TO THE CHILD’S PARENTS AND SIBLING:
During the first three or four years of life almost all children will orient to one or two adults as the ones that matter for their safety, survival, and comfort. This is easiest to observe in a one-year-old child that screams if left by their mother with strangers or is unwilling to interact with people not known to them. When sick young children often want one and only one adult desperately. Attachment relationships have different qualities but whether a secure attachment or insecure attachment, this relationship serves as the starting point for all future relationships.
Primary attachment relationships do not form after 3 or 4 years of age although other types of important relationships do and these can lend security to a child.
FAMILIES PLUS is invited by the child’s parents to be part of their lives. We work hard to keep the parent in charge, to honor the parent’s wishes, and to respect the parents’ ultimate importance in the development of their child. We can only wrap those supports around the child that make sense to the parent and are welcomed by the parent.
- Your role is to work with the one child only.
- The therapist will work with the parents and other siblings so that you do not feel obligated to assist them.
- Alert the therapist if you see critical unmet needs in your child’s family.
- Be cautious about giving parents or siblings money or things.
- Expectations of you will quickly develop.
- Be clear about what you can provide and what you do not want to provide.
- Say “No, that will not work for us,” if you are not comfortable with a parent request.
- Ask the parents if they have noticed any problems or have concerns.
- Invite their input on your relationship with their child.
During the first three or four years of life almost all children will orient to one or two adults as the ones that matter for their safety, survival, and comfort. This is easiest to observe in a one-year-old child that screams if left by their mother with strangers or is unwilling to interact with people not known to them. When sick young children often want one and only one adult desperately. Attachment relationships have different qualities but whether a secure attachment or insecure attachment, this relationship serves as the starting point for all future relationships.
Primary attachment relationships do not form after 3 or 4 years of age although other types of important relationships do and these can lend security to a child.
- If the grandparents raise a child for the three or four years, the natural parent cannot form this same type of primary attachment with their child later in their life.
- You must be there consistently early in life to have a primary attachment relationship with a child.
- Evidence of the strength of this primary attachment relationships is the phenomenon that children raised in foster care most typically return to their birth parents when they are free to make their own choices.
- Eliminating the attachment figure or figures from the child’s life creates social and emotional insecurity that often has profound impacts throughout their life.
- Research shows that that children who have been separated from their primary attachment figure for a significant amount of time, show much higher rates of depression as adult and even differences in pituitary/adrenal functioning and on cortisol levels of adults.
- Families Plus works hard to supplement what parents can provide rather than separate children from their parents
FAMILIES PLUS is invited by the child’s parents to be part of their lives. We work hard to keep the parent in charge, to honor the parent’s wishes, and to respect the parents’ ultimate importance in the development of their child. We can only wrap those supports around the child that make sense to the parent and are welcomed by the parent.
- Your relationship with the child can be undermined by negativity toward their parents.
- Your child will always ultimately take the side of their parent against you no matter how good your relationship might be with the child.
- Never put the child between yourself and their parents
- The natural parents are not in the program to be changed and are not expected to change anything they are not interested in changing.
- Find good qualities they might have to balance any negative behaviors that you might see.
10. DIFFERENCE IN VIEWS OF INDIVIUDALS FROM DIFFERENT SOCIAL GROUPS
Difference in Views of Individuals from Different Social Groups
UNDERSTANDING THE SOCIO-ECONOMIC CULTURE OF YOUR CHILD
Individual from different parts of our society really do view things differently. Individual raised in affluence and only knowing affluence look at the world very different than individual who have had generations of survival and poverty. Below is a comparison chart of how individual from different economic group are likely to think and view the world.
UNDERSTANDING THE SOCIO-ECONOMIC CULTURE OF YOUR CHILD
Individual from different parts of our society really do view things differently. Individual raised in affluence and only knowing affluence look at the world very different than individual who have had generations of survival and poverty. Below is a comparison chart of how individual from different economic group are likely to think and view the world.
11. HOW TO PREPARE YOUR CHILDREN TO BE MENTORS
How to prepare your children to be Mentors
- Explain privacy to your child so they will not talk to their friends about any negative information they know or learn.
- Help them assume the role of a big sister or brother to the child.
- Encourage them to report concerns or discomfort with the child’s behavior to you immediately and in private.
- Foster a positive friendship, they might know each other at school or play on the playground.
- This is a great way to teach your own child about giving back to the world and making it a better place.
12. CAR SEAT LAWS IN COLORADO
Child Car Seat Laws in Colorado
Children must be restrained in boosters — or other appropriate child car seats — until they reach the age of 8 years old. Parents searching for an appropriate child safety seat to meet the requirements in Colorado need to make sure the car seat matches the child’s weight, height and age:
Children must be restrained in boosters — or other appropriate child car seats — until they reach the age of 8 years old. Parents searching for an appropriate child safety seat to meet the requirements in Colorado need to make sure the car seat matches the child’s weight, height and age:
- Birth to 1 year old and less than 20 lbs: Rear-facing seat, in the back seat only(no exceptions). While this is the law in Co, most experts recommend keeping your child in a rear-facing seat until 2 years old.
- You should never place a rear-facing child seat in the front seat of a vehicle with an active airbag; this includes single-cab pickup trucks.
- 1 through 3 years old and at least 20 lbs: Forward-facing seat in the back seat of the vehicle.
- Your child should remain in the forward-facing seat only until they reach the upper weight limit set by the car seat manufacturer.
- 4 through 7 years old: Booster seat.
- Beginning at 8 years old: Standard vehicle safety belt.
- While CO law allows children to use a standard seat belt at 8 years old, it is recommended that you wait until your child is at least 4 ft 9 inches before transitioning to a seat belt, so as to avoid injury in case of an accident.
13. CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
CHILD NEGLECT
CHILD NEGLECT IS DIFFICULT TO DEFINE. Many conditions encountered in homes seem undesirable but do not rise to the high standard for child neglect that government authorities view as actionable. Child neglect involved situation where children are immediately or imminently unsafe or sickened by something. Examples would be:
Persons required by law to report possible abuse under C.R.S. §19-3-304 include doctors, school personnel, social workers, mental health workers, and clergy members
How to Report Child Abuse and Neglect
The therapist is comfortable able to handle concerns about abuse and do the reporting.
All events that could be child abuse or neglect will be reported to the Department of Health and Human Services 1 844 CO 4 Kids.
CHILD NEGLECT IS DIFFICULT TO DEFINE. Many conditions encountered in homes seem undesirable but do not rise to the high standard for child neglect that government authorities view as actionable. Child neglect involved situation where children are immediately or imminently unsafe or sickened by something. Examples would be:
- being left unattended when they are not old enough
- being exposed to bacteria or food-born pathogens or bugs that could immediately sicken them.
- Being exposed to domestic violence
- Being involved in illegal drug use
- Not being provided with critically needed medical care
- Being homeless without adequate shelter
Persons required by law to report possible abuse under C.R.S. §19-3-304 include doctors, school personnel, social workers, mental health workers, and clergy members
How to Report Child Abuse and Neglect
- Report child abuse and neglect to your therapist immediately
The therapist is comfortable able to handle concerns about abuse and do the reporting.
All events that could be child abuse or neglect will be reported to the Department of Health and Human Services 1 844 CO 4 Kids.
- You can report Child Abuse and Neglect yourself.
- The therapist with whom you work has experience in reporting child abuse.
- Your relationship with the parent and child is less affected if the therapist does the reporting.
- Please speak up immediately if you suspect abuse or neglect.
14. HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF
PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM THE UNLIKELY BUT POSSIBLE
- Some of the children have been mistreated or inappropriately touched. If this is known about your child, then you will be informed.
- Be alert to the potential of sexualized behavior by the mentored child. Alert the therapist immediately if you see flirtatious or touching behavior that will need to be addressed.
- Preparing your children to tell you if body space violations happen to them
- A light-hearted but very helpful book is available in the office called A Very Touching Book. It teaches the difference between good touch, bad touch (hurting touches) and secret touch (Private-part touches). You can use this with your own children.
- Practice strict body privacy in your home with closed-door dressing and being fully dressed in public spaces.
- Adult males should not sit the child on their lap and should not bath, dress, or toilet the child.
15. TIME TRACKING
Tracking your Time
LIFE IS COMPLICATED FOR ALL OF US AND SOMETIMES UNPREDICTABLE. Please do not feel guilty if events intervene and you are not able to always stay on a predictable schedule with your child.
Families Plus does bill for some of the volunteer time invested in the child. We are allowed 90 minute of respite care time each month by Medicaid. The money collected is applied to the Families Plus program costs and is not paid to the Mentoring Family.
You will be contacted by email or phone each month to get the dates and amount of time you spent with the child.
You will be asked if and how much money you have spent on outings, supplies, gifts, mileage, etc. Families Plus collects this information to demonstrate how the community is contributing to children in the program. This is shared with Grantors for contributions to future growth of the Families Plus program.
LIFE IS COMPLICATED FOR ALL OF US AND SOMETIMES UNPREDICTABLE. Please do not feel guilty if events intervene and you are not able to always stay on a predictable schedule with your child.
Families Plus does bill for some of the volunteer time invested in the child. We are allowed 90 minute of respite care time each month by Medicaid. The money collected is applied to the Families Plus program costs and is not paid to the Mentoring Family.
You will be contacted by email or phone each month to get the dates and amount of time you spent with the child.
You will be asked if and how much money you have spent on outings, supplies, gifts, mileage, etc. Families Plus collects this information to demonstrate how the community is contributing to children in the program. This is shared with Grantors for contributions to future growth of the Families Plus program.
16. MENTORING FAMILY/ CHILD CONTACTS
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17. POSITIVE OUTCOMES
Positive Outcomes
- These children are delightful and usually behave very well in their mentoring family.
- These children come to depend on your caring and do love back
- We are determined that each of these children will become successful in school and life. It is amazingly satisfying to see a child that was floundering finally thrive.
DOCUMENTATION AND FORMS
Check list of documentation needed for a Mentoring Family
- State of Colorado Individual Inquiry Form
- Family Mentor Application
- Confidentiality Agreement
- Incident Report
- Mentor Contact Report
Thank you for being a positive influence to the children and families in Delta County!
If you have any questions please reach out to the Families Plus office
Phone- 970-874-0464
Email: familiespluscolorado@gmail.com
If you have any questions please reach out to the Families Plus office
Phone- 970-874-0464
Email: familiespluscolorado@gmail.com